the night you took your last breath
i went dancing, and ate a sandwich,
and had the hiccups, and felt a little sad
but didn't know why.
i passed by your door and smiled and waved,
as always, assuming you were inside.
and why not? if i had listened more closely
would i have noticed the silence
where your laughter should have been?
the absence of that one voice among millions
now fills my ears, and i choke on a goodbye
that my heart is not ready to say.
we were not yet through embracing our hellos.
i had not yet asked all of the questions
that i was saving for next time. next time...
and why do we always say "i lost a friend"
as if it were some carelessness
and not our own humanity to blame?
(though perhaps the two are the same)
as if it wouldn't have happened
if only we'd paid more attention?
but then perhaps that's also true.
now they tell me that the world is round
so there is no beginning or end,
just waves on sand and wind in trees
and sometimes the illusion of more.
but i know that when i met you i met your soul,
and it was one that gave me hope,
an infinite gift as sweet as the dishes you served,
the stories you shared, the love you gave,
and that hope is no illusion. that hope is more,
much more than everything.
